|
| Hey
i feel like shit... i dunno im tired and i got a headache n my feet hurt of romse weird reason plus im getting reeeeeeally depressed again i wish it wuld go away. im sick of feeling like crap all the time and dont even know why. i think its cos of that fight with Matt. I love him so much yet i hardly even kno him i try to get to kno him and he pushes me away i dont think i will ever get to know him. i dunno wat to do. He's goin out with like his fifth girlfriend for the year.Her names Ezra she died her hair n looks really bad. I miss him so much. i just wish he wuld trust me enough. But he dont know shit about me neither most of the time i dont think he evens wants to kno me. Guys are fucken weird | | |
| Hey
wow i havnt written in ages.
im so pissed off Matt is such a dick i was gonna go to his placer yesterday while his parents werent hoime n was all kool and everything and then he cancels at the last minute even without a valid reason i couldnt beleive it i been waiting for ages to see him anyway who cares. Theres this other dude James hge's oretty kool and single ... in fact he's never had a gf.... strange he's hot tall ... verrrry tall n he's pretty nice but he has a short temper i think thats wat girls get turned off by he tends to insult for no paricular reason. Mehwell.
Anyway nm else has been happenin latly im about to go out to the markets with the family hopefully get some new clothes YAY.
Things are slowly getting better ... a fraction of a snails pace...but anywho i dunno nothing around me is getting better but i am like iv been feeling better latly maybe cos matt's actually talkin to me now. Wen ppl talk to me its uplifting.
On Friday i sat by myself jusdt to thihnk a few things through .. my friends were bein mean to me ... nothing out of the usual but one of my friends was bein such a bitch she said somethiung to Amy n i asked wat she said so i could become apart of the conversation a bit and she goes "god i wasnt talkin to u" n im like "o sorry im just bored come on talk to me" and she goes " omg u legend so am i but so u want a medal for bein bored." and im just like bring it on u crack whore .. i didnt actually say that but u know anyways i g2g
Laterz | | |
| I feel too shitty to write an entry so heres a poem
How i will die
I know exactly how i will die
it will go something like this
i will come and meet you somewhere
and give you one last kiss
I wont tell you my plans
wont give a clue
ill act like its all good
then say goodbye to you
Thats all i have to do
before i die
you were all i needed
so please dont cry
I'll pick up this knife
i'll raise it up high
dont want you to stop me
dont want you to cry
The blade goes through my heart
feel the blood pumping fast
it'll pulsate through my body
til my time is up at last
My last few thoughts
will flood my head
in the next few moments
i will be dead | | |
| Well iv been thinking alot latly about alotta things life, death, boys, girls.
Life: Whats ht epoint i mean really when your dead does life really matter afterall??
Death: i wonder what its like i mean iv thinkin bout wats on the other side whats its like is it any better than being here?
Boys: ... they suck everyone knows that.Why aree they such jerks all the time. I mean why are so self absorbed they dont give a shit how u feel or how they treat you. Do they actually realise the pain they cause?
Girls: yes thast right girls ... could it really be that bad being with a girl come on you get to have your best friend you get to be loved you get to see chick flicks wihtout them complaining :P n u never have to choose between your friend and your boyfriend what more could a girl want :P
In the end iv been thinking alot about everything and well yea im still a little vague with alot of it. esp with the guys and girls thing. ya know swinging both ways. its alot to think about so ye i duno what do you guys think of it
Laterz | | |
| life is shit n i feel like shit all the time day in day out. i just wish someone wuld notice n would care enough to help ... Chris and Kelly are great, they really are. but its so hard to explain why i feel the way i do. I'm cuttin waaaaay back on wat i eat i needa lose weight so bad wen i get to my new school next year i dunt wanna look like a balloon its time 4 a new start n i dunt wanna screw it up i wanna actually be liked there, maybe even loved there. I wanna get a bf or even just a really good guy friend that i can trust enough to run to in my sweats with my hair a mess, makeup running down my face and eyes red n puffy from crying and the first thing he wuld say to me is "baby your beautiful" ... and he actually means it.
Thats my dream all i want is someone to love me is that so much to ask for? | | |
|
